Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.
FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.
TWO WAYS TO PLAY! Hate football? No problem! The entire game can be re-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport!
PLEASE NOTE: Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't. Why, you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game.
Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game.
Also, thanks so much to all of you who have left a review - we're currently at Very Positive which is just amazingly heartening to see, so if you've taken the time to do that, please know it has made me extremely happy.
Obviously as soon as the game got into more hands than I could possibly have Beta Tested it on, a few issues cropped up. These have all now been patched, bar one (see below). You can see the version number of your build down the bottom right of the Title Screen.
I will continue to address issues as soon as they come in. My Twitter's a bit full-on at the moment, so please email dan@sizefivegames.com if you come across a problem so it doesn't get lost.
You're now at v1.044
FIXED: Occasional bug where an enemy player could stand around waiting to take a penalty until the heat death of the Universe.
FIXED:Slide tackling the enemy in the Tutorial causing a great big whoopsie and making everything go awry
FIXED: Input setup screen showing DashRight twice, and DashLeft never. Quite how I missed that is beyond me
FIXED: A couple of rogue sound effects rudely not obeying the sound volume slider
FIXED: Red Card achievement not popping up it you walloped a fella three times
FIXED:: the tutorial suggesting you press the Kick button to do a Tackle
FIXED:an issue where, with *dogged* determination you could set your 442 to have players start on the wrong side of the pitch,
which is CLEARLY cheating and if you did this you should feel a deep shame
FIXED: misspelled "World Cup" in the Achievements. I mean honestly
REFUSED TO FIX: the spelling mistak on the 1st splash screen because come on that's obviously a joke
KNOWN, BUT HELP? someone mentioned that hitting a Goldkeeper made the game fail to restart after the penalty. I've been completely unable to recreate this, and I can't find the tweet because it was 1st thing this morning and it's scrolled down the list into oblivion. So if this was you, or if you see this happen, please email me dan@sizefivegames.com with exactly what happened so I can fix it? Thank you!
Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game.
Also, thanks so much to all of you who have left a review - we're currently at Very Positive which is just amazingly heartening to see, so if you've taken the time to do that, please know it has made me extremely happy.
Obviously as soon as the game got into more hands than I could possibly have Beta Tested it on, a few issues cropped up. These have all now been patched, bar one (see below). You can see the version number of your build down the bottom right of the Title Screen.
I will continue to address issues as soon as they come in. My Twitter's a bit full-on at the moment, so please email dan@sizefivegames.com if you come across a problem so it doesn't get lost.
You're now at v1.044
FIXED: Occasional bug where an enemy player could stand around waiting to take a penalty until the heat death of the Universe.
FIXED:Slide tackling the enemy in the Tutorial causing a great big whoopsie and making everything go awry
FIXED: Input setup screen showing DashRight twice, and DashLeft never. Quite how I missed that is beyond me
FIXED: A couple of rogue sound effects rudely not obeying the sound volume slider
FIXED: Red Card achievement not popping up it you walloped a fella three times
FIXED:: the tutorial suggesting you press the Kick button to do a Tackle
FIXED:an issue where, with *dogged* determination you could set your 442 to have players start on the wrong side of the pitch,
which is CLEARLY cheating and if you did this you should feel a deep shame
FIXED: misspelled "World Cup" in the Achievements. I mean honestly
REFUSED TO FIX: the spelling mistak on the 1st splash screen because come on that's obviously a joke
KNOWN, BUT HELP? someone mentioned that hitting a Goldkeeper made the game fail to restart after the penalty. I've been completely unable to recreate this, and I can't find the tweet because it was 1st thing this morning and it's scrolled down the list into oblivion. So if this was you, or if you see this happen, please email me dan@sizefivegames.com with exactly what happened so I can fix it? Thank you!
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