Happy Holidays Ninja Pizza Girl fans! We recently hired a new science team* here at Disparity HQ who have been busy tearing apart Ninja Pizza Girl and subjecting it to a thorough and potentially completely unnecessary engine upgrade. They’ve been so successful that after months of time-consuming and exceedingly costly work - there is almost no discernable difference to the game whatsoever. Before firing the scientists out of a cannon and into the sun, we asked them nicely to write some patch notes. Behold the glory of their incredibly overpriced minor improvements -

• Ninja Pizza Girl is now 1835% more processor efficient resulting in the reduction of lag from the infamous R-E-S-P-E-C-T chapter. In addition the game will not get progressively slower with continued playing.
• Gemma’s physics system has been completely upgraded resulting in more consistent behaviour, particularly when bouncing on trampolines.
• There is a new “none” control fallback option for people with custom input solutions who would prefer our auto-controller-detection system to kindly shut up and stay out of their way.
• For reasons far too complex to be described adequately with the vulgarity of speech, every level has been relit from scratch. They look very slightly nicer now.
• A strange girl temporarily interrupted our coding efforts to replace the final panel in the Loser Town comic. She said it looks much better now. We didn’t care.

Happy Holidays Ninja Pizza Girl fans! We recently hired a new science team* here at Disparity HQ who have been busy tearing apart Ninja Pizza Girl and subjecting it to a thorough and potentially completely unnecessary engine upgrade. Theyve been so successful that after months of time-consuming and exceedingly costly work - there is almost no discernable difference to the game whatsoever. Before firing the scientists out of a cannon and into the sun, we asked them nicely to write some patch notes. Behold the glory of their incredibly overpriced minor improvements -

• Ninja Pizza Girl is now 1835% more processor efficient resulting in the reduction of lag from the infamous R-E-S-P-E-C-T chapter. In addition the game will not get progressively slower with continued playing.
• Gemmas physics system has been completely upgraded resulting in more consistent behaviour, particularly when bouncing on trampolines.
• There is a new none control fallback option for people with custom input solutions who would prefer our auto-controller-detection system to kindly shut up and stay out of their way.
• For reasons far too complex to be described adequately with the vulgarity of speech, every level has been relit from scratch. They look very slightly nicer now.
• A strange girl temporarily interrupted our coding efforts to replace the final panel in the Loser Town comic. She said it looks much better now. We didnt care.